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Jesselyn(:

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(no subject) [May. 19th, 2012|10:36 pm]
i think subconsciously, im bloggin monthly. hahahhahaha 

anws updates of dull school life, im in my last sem! *shouts "whut whut" from Cougar Town" heehee.

as much as i hate being an adult, going into working life and to have real responsibilities from the job (if you get what i mean), im kind of secretly hoping i can get a job asap. mainly because i'll finally be able to support myself financially as compared to the parttime pay of 12cc but also, carry some burden off mummy's shoulders. i've planned to give her $10% of my pay, pay my own phone bill and save ard half of it. now that dad is not ard, i'll do my best to lessen her worries. also considering that i'll be the first out of 3siblings to go into the working world. 

and for social life, its been awhile since i've posted pictures so there it is :)




(btw the pics are purely random picked, all in 2012? HAHAHAH thats how long i didnt post pics!)
and i constantly thank god for having them around me, they laugh w me, shared my sorrows and always stood by me . xx

and a happy news to share: impromptu trip w girlfs to hongkong after discussing it ytd. shout yayeness :D
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& 8 more to go. [Apr. 6th, 2012|02:40 am]
hello world, its april?! its so crazy how time flies and soon it will be 21dec2012 hahahahah. but im pretty sure world wont end on that day! my bet on that, how about you? :)

anyways, sem3 is ending soon (mugging these two weeks for finals) and then woah im graduating in 4months time. thats real fast. that like end of my student life, officially stepping into working adults' lifecycle by end of this year. idk if im ready for it. 

sometimes, i really ponders about life and how it works. i dont dare to start venturing. what if im not strong enough for it :/ went to pray at bishan's temple on wed with my mum and jervis. everytime i see dad's picture, i miss him. sighs. i think noone really went to stop and look at his pics even thou theres alot hanging ard at home. i guess noone dare to, afraid it will trigger sad emotions out of them :/ everyone is trying to cope with it and move on stronger. but i guess im still a lil daddy's princess deep down, not able to move on. no matter how long after, i still miss how much he dotes on me :( and i know deeeeeeeeeeeep down in me, i'll never be able to come to terms with his death. i still have his msg kept in my phone :/ constantly seeing the text he replied me "iloveyou too"

ahwells, on a happier note, we conquered 303 yaye :) and randomly, i shall go dye my hair during the holis. its time for a new colour :>
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feb 2012 for you [Feb. 16th, 2012|01:56 am]
1 month passed and school work got hectic-er again. 303 is indeed energy-draining plus time-consuming module. we took at least double the time and effort to complete a 5% report and neglected another module's 15% report. kill us, this is the power of destination management for you! so glad im taking now, get it over and done with then i can laugh at john and kahyuen when its their turn hahahaha. decided to quit my parttime job at twelvecupcakes cause i figure its too tiring and draining for me to cope with studies (3days a week) and working (4days a week) = literally no rest. i've figure out that lifes too short, permanent job no life kind of life probably gonna start in like 10mths time, no point chionging work now. i shld totally rest and focus on studies at the same time, enjoy life while i still can :)

vday was ytd, i spent the noon with my single girlfriends (they absolutely adorable in their own ways, idk why noone wants them hahahaha) and dins at kushinbo with john :) second time there, first was last yr's vday too! jap buffet with free flow good quality salmon sashimi and snow crab legs was yummy! ok blog about this at 2am is a wrong move, makes me hungry rawr.

back to my another brain-frying module's individual essay! rawr.
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2012; another new adventure [Jan. 2nd, 2012|10:20 am]
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Hello world, its 2012 and its back to the month of january! Time really flies.

And on the last day of 2011, i spent it w my girlfs and boyfriend. This friendship has been 6years long and its amazing we still meetup every now and then so often even when we all are at different schools and schedule. Im glad we all made the effort to meetup regardless what. The support we gave each other is something we knew that we can always lean on. 6girlsz and we rule our own world! :>

And counting down w john for 3years already make me feel so glad cause our relationship survived yet another year. 2011 was pretty tough on us w more frequent quarrells which make me keep doubting are we ever gonna last but thank god for the love between us, it was strong enough :)

My family got much tighter when dad's not ard, we just have to learn and adapt to get used to the life without him considering we were all very dependent on him in the past. Its not easy but we'll come through. I still miss him almost everyday cause things everywhere make me think of him. i just need some more time to keep him in my heart instead of my mind, i promise :)

So at the last 5mins before it strike 12midnight on 31dec,i knew i was blessed enough for 2011 even though it wasnt a good year for me at all. But with these people to be in my life, im blessed enough :)

I kinda want to get through 2012 asap so that i'll get to see whats in for me but (so as they say that world ends this year's dec) i guess i'll learn to slow down my pace, appreciate my surroundings and live life to fullest in every possible ways. Afterall, smtg i've learnt in 2011 was that being able to wake up every morning and see the sun is a bonus and im not gonna ask for more :)

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transit into a new year in 5days time. [Dec. 27th, 2011|12:37 am]
another 5days to 2012. this is insane-ly crazy fast. gonna enjoy my last few days of 2012 and try to start the new year on a right note. no resolutions gonna be made for 2012 since i'll never keep to it (afterall, who knows whats gonna happen tmr?) and no point summarising my 2011 cause it aint a great year anyway. 

all i wish now, was that things to get better for me. in some ways or another. not being greedy here but i pretty much need a good year please. 

i still miss my dad once in awhile now and then. kinda still not used to with him not around. this is realllly crazy but i really still cant imagine and adapt with someone i love, being not ard. its really hard when someone is not physically around and you know he/she can never ever ever be around anymore. this is reallly crazy. i think it will take longer than i think i would to actually get used to this.

aye, till then. enjoy your last few days of 2011 and we'll welcome 2012 together with a smile on our faces and with people we love :)

xx.
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Thoughts running everywhere [Dec. 9th, 2011|04:59 pm]
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Last paper of my sem2, yayeeeness to holidays and festives in 6hrs time (considering paper is gonna be from 7-10pm! Tskkk)

Anws, i think alot recently. I guess dramas and Tv shows do reflects some part of reality in them. Thats why i always ponder much after watching episodes. And most pondering leads to negatives thoughts like:

1. What if my relationship gonna last another 10more years then to realise its not gonna work out.
2. What if im diagnosed with cancer or any illness in my twenties
3. What if im married and i can never have kids
4. What if i got into a car accident and died in the nxt few hrs and leave in regrets

And so on.... Hahahahah told you all negatives one pls! Dont say it will never happen cause the unexpected and dramatic no.2 happened to someone i love and all along i thought it was just a scene in dramas. Im praying in every ways that thats not gonna ever happen ever again, i cant take it again. Lifes so fragile that im realllly scared.

If i had a wish, i would wish that i can see whats mine whole life timeline. So that i'll be prepared for whatever come what may. Im that kind of loser that if smtg big happened suddenly and off my guard, i'll not be able to take it. I dont like surprises (in a bad way). So i rather fast forward everything so that i know whats in the front of my life instead of now, unsure uncertain about whats gonna happen next in my life mode.

But at the same time, i dont really want to grow up. I want to enjoy every year. As one said before " theres only gonna be one 18yrs one 21yrs one 25yrs" once you missed it, you'll never get it back ever sooooo just live each year to daaaa fullest!

Aye as contradicting as this whole entry is, no emo thoughts before exam pls hahahah. Immma gonna leave my 21st year to da fullest in all possible ways :)

Wish me luck for paper! xx

P.s feel like switching over to tumblr ehhhh hahahahahah.

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(no subject) [Nov. 22nd, 2011|12:54 am]
reading all my 2011 entries, scary how things have become. guess out of 10entries, 8 was bad/sad/nth good. i rmb i said before, why blog when things that you blogged has already happened and theres no way back. whats done is done. why blog when its gonna stay in your heart anw if its of good memories. and then again, why blog about those sad stuffs when you read back, you'll only be reminded once again and feel sad again. 

i guess its very very true, i still stand by that. but sometimes when you have noone to share your happy moments noone to listen to your sorrows, i guess this space can be pretty therapeutic. you're not judged here, you get to say whatever you feel like saying, you're never wrong here and you get to choose to keep it to yourself as a private diary or share w strangers of the world wide web. you're the queen/king here, and it feel good i guesss. cause theres no restrictions here. 

hmmmm, idk what im typing already but i guess, sometimes its good to have a channel to let it all out. least thats what keep me sane. everyone need one channel of their own. in any forms. i guess this is mine, what yours? :)
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